Friend

People talk about friends all the time. You have good friends, loyal one, one you can trust, one you can have a coffee and gossip with, one you can trust with your life. When the word friend is dating from? Are our family also considered as a friendly family, or they could be less friendly in occasions? Funny is that children call everyone friend who are nice to them. If we want to be real and objective, look for true honesty, we should than look how children position themselves towards the others in class. So, leading by that we should pronounce every person that approach us nicely as a friend. But is it always like that? As we grow, the term friend changes, and our childhood friends are changing as well. They get into the flow of thinking in a different way. Well, I do not want to say that kids are not thinking at all, contrary they do, too much all the time, but they still have that pure soul, that is clean, and open to world. When do we start changing and transforming from this innocent persons to some let’s not be rude, and say more sharp people? Is it as soon as we hit social life? And more we get surrounded by people, more sharp we are in our way of thinking? I met many people, different nations, different cultures…Sometimes, I connect with some people very well, and I can understand them, they can get my point and we seem happy for a while. Have coffee, meet often, seems like it will last forever… but than things change, and they are gone…I mean they stay around, but they just exit our life, while some friends, forgotten, or the one we did have some heavy words with, we were upset with…they are still there, and they even were not present for a while they turn to be support in different levels. I have one such friend in Belgium…She is as I call her super mum, she can handle kids all alone, and work, and still find time to look my blog :-)…Amazing! And, we met just by incidence in one store in Brussels, one Saturday morning…we met a few times after, and than I happened..I guess, so things changed, and I did not think we will ever be close, or speak again…It was at the moment one of the friendships that you make, but last short term, as an flash of the light, few nice moments, one bad moment and silence. And than, that super mum turns to wake me up one morning, but when I say wake me up – no she did not call me 3 am LOL, but while I was driving, she asked me why you are saying things that are not quite as such!!!!! Respect yourself more!!!!!!! And she woke me up from a limbo phase I was :-)….and that made me think…what word friend means in reality? For me first thing that I was thinking after, was she is a real friend to me, even I do not see her often. Yes, we can have friends, in life, still some for coffee and gossip, some loyal, you stay in touch with and can understand on distance 9 as my ex boss 🙂 or my super mum friend), some friends are in growing phase, some are somewhere, spread in the world, like the dust, and some are gone forever, like my dear Lucy, but good thing is that no matter since when the word exist, or how we call they can be closer than the family, partner or someone that we will think should be a friend…

Cheers

Silvija

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Africa in my heart

Victoria falls! I love Africa. Do not get me wrong, I love Chanel and Dior too, but Africa is all about wild, freedom, fight for life, siesta, heat, nature. I will be back there next year, i have 2 destinations in mind – Namibia in August 2017 and in November 2017 – Galapagos…but more about that next time…

 

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Allied

This was an very romantic film. It did touch my deepest emotions. They met in the war zone, experienced the true love that had no boundaries, and were able to forgive each other. I am wondering can we experience something like that today? I must admit, that I was fortunate enough to say, that I did experience love and true feelings, that will always be present in some level. Person I met, was not allied, but was rather an man, that was not brave enough. His fears were stronger than love, than any emotions. Even, I could feel him even on the distance, and in some occasions predict what he will txt me, or say….some his fears were so huge, that it was not enough space for all of us in that world. Anxiety he had, from his children, ex wife, friends, judgment of society, were just unspeakable. Chemistry between us was strong, I will rather say fatal attraction. We shared 3 and half years together, and of all I can just remember trip to Africa, that will always remind in my heart. He accomplished my long dream, and took me to Africa, safari. It was a trip of my life, all that wild, and nature, fight for life, and surviving…sun set, and early mornings, freezing and riding around, admiring the world that is waking up. No, that cannot be replaced…That was the best 2 weeks in my life, I will always love him bcs of that, just bcs of those 2 weeks of magic he gave to me. Maybe if stayed life will be different, but we could not, and as soon as we landed, the magic was over and the reality kick in. I always wonder, why we change??? Why some people are so influenced by the judgment of society, and what other people will say and think? How world will look alike, if we live our lives, and make our own decisions, without influence of other people? Personally, I never care what people think about me, and what they will say!!!! Who are they? I look at life like a stage, like a show that is directed and produced on our own! We have this one life, and can we repeated it? I am not sure, even if answer is yes, we can not turn back time and redo things. My personality is not that is in align with my surrounding! I do not care, and I like to give, and to take and to enjoy…I dream about perfect relationship, just like one from movie Allied, one where you can betrayed everything, but still stand for the feelings, and children….For a moment I thought I found it in My mr Perfect, and maybe we did have it , for moment, but it was not complete…Mr Perfect had so much anxiety, he carried a burden of time, his so called friends, his family, opinion of so many people, that it was too much. While, me i was ready to stand for it all, and not really giving a damn thing what will others think. Still I remember the moments when he will bite his nails and be nervous, how we will hide from his ex wife, it was so ridiculous, so not needed….He did try to respect all aspects of social rules, while me was a rule breaker, born to challenge it all, and everyone. I do love him still, and he will remain love of my life, and our love is living through our daughter. But, i am happy I am not with him anymore, and I do not need to see him suffering and drowning in his fear. I have eyes to see some other destiny now, and I can laugh… I am not sure if i feel love for him, or i feel sorry for him… Maybe both, but definitely,  I feel good, happy, and have some new goals… I never thought I will be able to live without him by my side, and the strange thing is that t5his new life turned out to be more quality life than ever before. Our baby, gave a flame in my life, and makes me laugh every day…I feel sorry that he is missing it all, but I cannot cope his fears anymore…I want to be just free…and he is best of the best, king of queens, my Mr Perfect, and nobody is like him…even he is not so good :-)…

Lumitw

Used to Love U ❤ but not as I used to

Maybe it’s me, maybe I bore you
Oh no, it’s my fault ’cause I can’t afford you
Maybe, baby
Puffy, Jay-Z
Would all be better for you
‘Cause all I could do was love you

Baby when I used to love you (there’s nothin’ that I wouldn’t do)
I went through the fire for you (anything you asked me to)
But I’m tired of living this lie
It’s getting harder to justify
I realize that I just don’t love you
Not like I used to

Baby when I used to love you (there’s nothin that I wouldn’t do)
I went through the fire for you (but I’m not gonna play the fool)
And I can’t live this lie
I can’t justify
And I can’t be your wife, I don’t love you
Not like I used to 😦