It is all about me

Vienna trip Sept 2016

It is all about me…I wis so much it is, but somehow is all about someone else seems so. Yesterday was an very disturbing day for me. Just when I thought, that I am detoxicated from the negative things, and that I managed to start moving on, one textchanged everything, and then it was all over again. I was down, sad, and very upset… Whole, one day, 1st of November was just an horrible day…I am wondering how we can remember bad things, better than a good one. Is it bcs the bad things are awakening the feeling of revenge, and then you think it is time that we take justice in our hands and act as a God??? Yes, for a moment I thought how I can make someone feel the emotional pain I feel.. But, than I do believe in God, and during this years, one thing I realized, that it is all to be patient, and wait my five minutes ( and they always come). So, I went to hospital to visit my father, and was looking at him, and thought are all those people punished??? Might be…do I want this to the person that ruined my day??? No, I do not want that to anyone not even the person who was just an ass to me. I had a sleepless, night in Tervuren, watching my  episode, and thought, what is wise to it the end of everything??? And what is the meaning of end…End of one thing, is usually start of something new, and ew things should be better than the old one. It is like a shoes, you can love one pair of shoes, be sentimental, and attached, but eventually even you love them, you just come to the point when you decide, no matter how much I like and love this particular pair of shoes, I will place them in my wardrobe, and move on with a new one…better, bcs they will feel better…And that is the end…or the start…so end is a new start, new beginning…This morning I woke up, and it was a sunny, cold morning, fresh, and I took a shower to wash away smell of end from my body, and start a new life free of the negativity. Trust me, even it was so hard, I decided to wash my tears away, put a make up, and go out…minute by min…hr by hr…I was not breathing anymore, but inhaling…and then this evening, yes, this evening, the magic call happened, and the nice person, on the other side, first asked me how are you???????? Yesssssssssssssssssss, magic words, how are you Silvija, how are things, and than he delivered wonderful newssssssssssss…..that are for me to know, and feel good about, and others to find out eventually. My Dear Mr X :-)…your call changed everything…Thank you so much, thank you for wonderful words, and smile, and thank you it all…. I needed it, and you came as a hope for desert soul.

I am happy that you my lighten up at the end of tunnel, and showed me the way in the darkness I had.





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