London story

Walking on the streets of London, but being nowhere. I am sure we all experienced the feeling that we are just like in a bubble floating around, and we are no where.My level of excitment coming to London was really huge! Now when I think back, I was too happy, excited, full of plans how I will turn this week in an awesome one. Now, when I am living this week, I realize how it is not week in London, but days are locked inside of me, and I am living in a limbo. Monday, I was walking all day in the streets of London, Oxford street, Regent street…Coffee shops around, fancy stores, Christmas atmosphere. People passing by, some in hurry, some relaxed. But me, no I could not feel the ground. I came back to places I wanted to see again, where I used to be happy and enjoy. However, you cannot be happy always I guess. My personality is, when i close the door and leave, I do not open those door again in my life. However, sometimes, skeletons from past are knocking on the door from inside and ask you to open the wardrobe, and let them out. Well, catch is that once you open the door, you do not enter the Narnia, but rather Hulk rollercoaster, that is taking you down, in a speed of light. Why we face all those feelings? As years passing, the burden of negativity is popping up more, and we start at the end to feel comfortably numb, and ignorant. Can this be explanation for old people being so “wise”? Life should learn us the different lessons, but why? So we can die smart and full of experience? And for what? Is there are life after life? Because, in this life things are much harder, so that we can enjoy the after life? Honestly, even I always believed that there are something after, now I think it is just an illusion.And I wonder, seriously, why is all of this? For what? I am not sure but I guess other people sometimes think the same… It is so difficult to be locked in my own fantasy world, and look everything the way I see…I feel like from, it is just eyes, connected with brain, and that my body died long time ago…I am cold, but I cannot feel the cold, I am tired, but I keep walking, I am fed up of things but I keep smiling… When is this all going to end? And how? Someone told me I have the answers, but I do not remember them…where are they? In Ritz? Were the answer in Ritz London where I was last night, having dinner and laughing, but crying??? What do I want??? Is the Ritz change I need? I am worried, it is not, it is just another illusion, new bubble, that might bring me something more material, but feelings are still comfortably numb.. However, it is time for a new work day, new simulation of whatever it is today…or the thing we call life.

Good morning London, where ever you are…

Silvija

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