In memory of my loving dad ❤ (07 Oct 1931 – 25 Dec 2017) ❤

How to start saying goodbye? And what is the old Year and New Year? Where is the difference…that line that cut and separate us from the sins of the last year and bring our souls clear and nice in the New year? I am not even sure what are we celebrating, and why? Never was able to get the point of being massively drunk, for one night on the square and celebrate and count down time when the time is counting anyway by itself since the day we are born, as that is the moment when the count down starts. More I think, more I do not understand, and I just get more anxious that it is all created to make us feel better and reset the clock…but you cannot reset the time, you cannot turn back the time even you want, nor you can move it forward . Clock is ticking, surely…even if we do not have it…and what is the point of the timing…that we feel better or worse by the time that is passing. Do we need it at all? All is in our minds, no matter what…we are the only creators of perception of time. Why we do not look at the time and life as a long lasting day, as actually it is always day somewhere, somehow…and at night we just look as a day that makes us having a best meditation ever and longest one…as someone said, sleeping is the best meditation :-). We can be optimistically turned to the world and life and say I live one long day…no there is no darkness, it is just light, our law of attraction that attracts light and positive things…We can say that people who see dark are the pessimists, and have a dark souls, that is exhausted and cannot reach the light…or they lost the feeling for the light. Actually, if you look better there is no absolute dark at all, even the moon shine, and if there is no moon stars are twinkling and share with us the little span of light that can show us the way to the future…and than I ask myself, what is the future? Tomorrow??? But there is no tomorrow, there is no yesterday ether…it is all one long day with no time…no New or Old years, just us, with our light and dark souls that are floating around. I choose light…as at the end , there is no end bcs each time something is closed, the new door will open…door of new emotions, new disappointment, strange attraction…feelings…each time we think something has come to it end, the new start is there…sometimes we can see it, sometimes we can feel it…all depend what we want to admit to ourselves. Is there life after life…or this long day is just one long day, tiring, and we decide to cut the agony and free our soul to the unknown… Shall we fear death? Shall we be sad when someone is gone…I do not know. I am lost in the ocean of time, words and thoughts that are crossing my mind…My father died a week ago, today I was alone on his funeral…just me, my father and priest…I loved him a lot, he was old, sick..nothing unusual happened…I decided to have funeral just alone with no one else present, in strange country…and all I wondered was is it the end? Or it is new start? And new start should be better…John Lennon said – If it is not okay it is not the end! Does it mean now my dad is ok? Am I ok? I still wonder…I will always wonder…but I will choose to see life as a long day…no time, no years, no past.. there is no clear cut but the day when we die, that is a really something New…otherwise I can finish with words of legendary lady

“Tomorrow never happens. it’s the same fucking day, man.” ― Janis Joplin.

Love you always ❤

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Hope and prejudice ♫♬♪♩

They say hope dies last, I just wonder what is hope? Is that the feeling? If that is a feeling, so is that all the fears and anxiety in our body that makes us think things will change and get better eventually…That feeling is horrible, and I would rather not hope in that case. Or it is a positive feeling, that will ultimately lead us towards the most wanted solution? So we are trilled, as we convince our self that what we see with our eyes, is not actually that, but will turn into something else, better, what is our secret desire. Our sub mind, is so complex, just on the surface…but in reality, nothing is complex, all is very simple, more or less in two shades – black and white. I believe that we invented those shades on purpose, to make people hope… And if hope is a thought, than why would we have those thoughts..I always want to know situation, and hoping is in my view very devastating thought that will not lead to better tomorrow, but rather further disappointments.  On the other hand, we all hope, for better days, love, new fresh start in life, future, recovery…we hope for magical solutions, but we do not believe in magic. Hope dies last! When is that? Do we hope until the last breath…or we continua hoping in the afterlife…or we hope until the new things and feelings kick in so they replace those fears and monsters inside of us, with a glittering shine of the morning after sky? Is hope implied with the prejudice we have? We all have some prejudice in our mind, and I think we form most of them actually as a kids, and that is why so difficult to erase or replace them in our mind. But do we create our hopes based on our prejudice? I have no idea, just throwing my thoughts around and think…can we link things that most people will say is not possible to link, bcs of whatever reason? And I wonder, our dreams, are they ,made of our hopes and prejudice, just with the flavor of the magic we do not want, dare or simply we do not believe in? Can we change our dreams? I see that my dreams from childhood improved in some ways, and that my possibilities get really shocked in occasions by my dreams… I have a new dream, so big, that at this moment seems impossible, but on the other hand,   I like challenge, and to turn impossible missions in a rather mission difficult and still make it happen…Can I do it? I will certainly try, I like sometimes to throw myself in unknown deep water, and see what will happen…unknown is beautiful thing in life, could be scary, could be mistake, could be magic…just dare to try  ☺ .

Am I the main character in the last book I am reading? Than thanks to my light form of dyslexia so it will take a while before I see who am I LOL  ☺  ☺  ☺  ☺  ☺

Silvija

Book

Driving through Swiss

On Sunday afternoon, I was driving few hrs through the Swiss…what a beauty, I like part that is closer to Italy, than one n France border though but impression remains. However, it is not just a beauty of the country that made that day, but also, I was thinking about life, love, and future. Wonder, what is future? Is it what will happen next min or next day, year…or in next life? Can future be changed? Can someone change the path? Where I am going to end? Swiss? Italy? Belgium? Well I want to be in Antwerp…there is something with that city, so special, but I cannot at this moment…Swiss, has that natural, untouched, preserved beauty…I must admit, Basel is not so special, and I do not quite fancy the nature around, it is flat, and yes nicely green, but feels like something already familiar… but than, the black pearls start to pop up in front of you, in a picture of high mountains, lakes, some rivers…all those small villages that I can see are just so romantic…far away, melted with the forest, and in the evening you can see lights, that seems more as a forest stars. You know, what forest starts are? That is the one that were too good or to independent to stay with the moon, so they dared to step into the twilight zone of the Swiss forest, and shine in the night…just enough to show you the road, to the everlasting peaceful home… That is how I feel about those houses in Swiss, that I can see from the road. Lakes are dark, green with the shades of dark brown…and than, all of the sudden, just on the parking place, while I was taking some few pic…here you go…behind some door, I am entering area, for walking, running…and guess what…river…light gray!!!!  Behind the river is huge rocky mountain, look so scary, but than I could feel it has a soul too..it is just one lonely place, alone, but happy and enjoy the singing of the floating river…It was not enough time to stay and wait for the night to kick in, and make it all so proud and dark, scary, but romantic…I continua my way, and was just sucking all the beauty of the nature in me…and I cannot wait enough to be on the road again, and see that again, and again…and I will take more pic…

Goodnight…

Love

Silvija

 

Adventure Italy 2017

It was a while I did not write a thing…too many things happened, but nothing really so important to make me write. In July, I started my new chapter – Italy tour :-), a try to change a life, start something new, and write a new chapter, or maybe to start writing a new book. This year, must be the year for me…Siena is a place to stay for a period of life, how long who knows? Me? I should, absolutely, but I have no idea. I never know, when I go somewhere how long it will last…I hope for a lifetime, but than something comes up, and I have to reset the time :-). How long will I carry on, who knows! I want to be happy, I want that feeling to last, as I feel now…I am alone, with my children, than I get tired of them even (yes, even I love them most in the world, they go on my nerves in occasions)…and than I have my getaway…Siena, Tuscany …so beautiful. Fields are golden, with stone houses in a middle, just like in a movies, even way better. Roads are narrow, and you drive uphill and than downhill, and it is so beautiful. I feel there like I live actually in a parallel world! No, better to say in a parallel life…one that is like imagination, so good, and more real than the reality:-)…all my fears are gone, I feel just a Tuscan sun on my skin, I put a sunglasses on, turn the music, (or book that I can listen), and I drive, and drive, miles, and miles…I go to all those small, Tuscan villages, where history is alive, and there is no past or future…it is just that moment of dream in a dream of perfection. I do not even hear people, nothing, just a sound of a hot wind, that blows my hair, and makes me feel like I am flying. All monsters, are gone, and there are just a peace…I come home, I turn the lights in my house, and than the cool night wind starts…i hear music far away, and I am there all by myself, alone but not lonely, I have no fears, I just close my eyes…and dream of a endless summer in Italy, can be endless life.. Someone said , when life gives you twists and turns, chic yourself up in Tuscany! Now I understand..

Love

Silvija

This is it!

It was a while I did not write…too much to do, and no inspiration. I am inspired now, by the moment of feeling just sick over one man. You know those people who wants to make you believe in their emotions…and they know you are sensitive and emotional person! And, yes one of those characters, almost gone with it that I believe his words, acting, and statements…Thanks to the fact, that even the best manipulator ever, cannot keep it up, and will say something to show his real face, I managed to pull the break, and wake up, and finally see the things more clearly and understand…

One thing is sure, no way I will go for it ever again…I feel sorry, that might be out there still people who really care, and do not make up things…and who deserve a chance of trust, but after all, I think I will not be able to trust anyone…

Love Silvija

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Cheating and cheaters😜😱😳

This is an very sensitive topic I know, but I must touch it and put some of my thoughts. We are all scared of cheating, most of us, no matter if we are females or males.. no one wants to be the betraid side. I wonder what is a border line for cheating ? Is there are an trashold that we can say, until here it is ok, from here it is cheating. When the real cheating starts? And if you are in a partnership (marriage) -where are you not completed and quite happy, but just can’t call it off , and you look for sympathy and bit of attention- is that cheating at all? Is a dream about situation where you fleart with someone consider already a cheating? I’m lost…I have so many questions, and no answers really. Today I was chritisized that I’m latent chater 😜😍because I believe that need for love and thought about gentle evening even you are bonded with someone else, is a sign of cheating ! Love comes in different forms, and sometimes even we love person next to us, if that person doesn’t complete us, why not dreaming of situations where you feel completed. Nothing happened, but it makes you feel better. When teenagers we dream about actors, celebrities…and even as an adults we like some movie stars, and that is considered ok-since chances we will hook up with any celebrity is low. So that is not cheating … but thinking about let’s say man or woman next door, or boss, collegue in the office or man from a shopping mall that fought your special attention is prone to be seen as a first step in cheating 😱. We all know, that no matter how much we were in love in person next to us, eventually those feelings when we are irrational and have boost of hormones will go away , and than stays love, in form of respect. I don’t know what to think…im absolutely lost and confused. Society says what is acceptable, and what is not…but at the end, we have this one life, and we should comfort ourselves on the first place. Because, life is like an airplane, and when you are not quite happy, it’s like when the oxygen starts dropping down in aircraft, so who will you put the mask on first? To yourself, because if you don’t save and help yourself first, you can’t help person next to you…but does it mean you should go for everything you like, well, definitely not, but at least a dream about something else can be forgiven?! Or not 😳😍😝

Love

Silvija ❤️

Valentine Day 2017 💕 💝

Every day deserves special attention…so I don’t want to say that Valentine should be different, but since I went out to a nice dinner, I really had a need to capture a moment of my Valentine outfit :-). How else to celebrate, if not in the love and heart! Heart is source of life, as well love is, or let’s say that special feeling of excitement, which is priceless :-). My question is how to maintain that feeling all the time, and never let it go??? How every dinner to be colored with the many shades of red Valentine??? But good thing, is that even when it ends, and you think it can never be again, it can…bcs every end is a start of something new, and that new is the one for that moment, and we should hang on that slinky thing bcs it will be old one day :-), and will be sign that the new flame is coming…

Happy Valentine 2017

Love

Silvija